"Church Hurt" Blog

This is an article I wrote for a ministry class. Our task was to write about a topic that is relevant to the modern church, and to women specifically. This was a difficult subject to broach, but I would love to write about it more in-depth someday.

What’s the Buzz About “Church Hurt”?

You’ve probably heard of it at least once, maybe in connection to one of the phrases it usually accompanies– “spiritual trauma,” “abuse,” even “deconstruction.” It’s a phrase that raises eyebrows, no matter what context it’s being used in.

But despite all the chatter, there aren’t a lot of resources that define what “church hurt” is, or what to do when you think you’ve experienced it, or how to talk about it with others, especially not from an evangelical perspective. Some people even think that talking about it means that you think the Church is bad, or that it gives people permission to walk away from the Church entirely!

But neither of these things have to be true! As Christians, we should be able to talk about the issues that surround the Church, either so we can defend her when it comes under attack, or so we can root out corruption when it comes to light. 

So all that being said– what is “church Hurt”?

Defined

“Church hurt” is when a person is “emotionally, mentally, spiritually, or even physically damaged” in a church setting (The Gospel and Church Hurt - EvanTell). This often results in a person being reluctant to attend or join a church later because of their past experiences. It can happen for any number of reasons. I’ve had friends who’ve been emotionally abused by other church members living in sin. I’ve had other friends who were reluctant to attend church because they’d been bullied in the past. The root of this usually rests in someone– a parent, a teacher, a friend– not recognizing their own sin, which in turn harms another person. Bullying and abuse, false teaching, and deception are always rooted in sin, which unfortunately is sometimes just as prevalent in churches as in other places.

This topic has been discussed more than ever in the last few years. The loudest discussion often comes from sources that are not interested in helping the Church to grow. There have been multiple documentaries outing corruption in Christian groups in the past three years. Their perspectives were all… pretty grim. There wasn’t a lot of grace in how they portrayed the Church as a whole, and the solution they recommended tended to be deconstruction, or encouraging people to step away from their faith and choose their own beliefs. 

How Should We React?

Because of this “bad press,” it can be VERY tempting to deny that “Church hurt” or trauma exists. If it doesn’t exist, then everyone who says it is an issue is either lying or confused, which takes the responsibility away from those of us who aren’t involved. The problem with this solution is… we are ALL involved. 1 Corinthians 12 makes it very clear that as the Church, we are all part of one body that relies on every other member to be whole. So if members of the body are claiming to have been harmed by other Christians, or if people outside the body are accusing the Church of corruption, one of our first priorities should be to live in unity with one another and remove any potential for blame. 

That doesn’t mean denying that sin can exist in the Church. The New Testament frequently admonishes congregations that tolerate sin, that have fallen into false teaching, that have let arguments divide their congregations. The book of Revelation features a list of five churches that are told to repent of their sins! But the point of calling out sin in the Church should always be to help her to grow closer to God. Not to cause a ruckus. Not to defame her in front of unbelievers. And that’s where a lot of us have gotten it wrong. 

People who have been hurt are often justifiably angry– especially people who have been hurt by people they believed they could (and should be able to!) trust, like other Christians. Because of our fallen nature, it can be tempting to go “scorched earth,” to angrily call out those who have hurt us, and sometimes those who haven’t. But God calls us to unity, to love one another, to work for the betterment of our fellow believers. This means that if we have been hurt, it is our responsibility to call out the sin that led that to happen– maybe that means calling out an abuser, or a false teacher. In Matthew 18:15-20, Jesus gives instructions for correcting sin in a congregation– privately, lovingly, and out of a desire to strengthen the Church. But in doing so, it is very important not to let anger lead. The devil loves any opportunity to cause division, and anger is one of his favorite ways to divide.

But maybe you haven’t experienced “church hurt” yourself. Maybe you have a friend who has, or maybe you’re just curious because you’ve only heard bits and pieces about “church trauma” and “deconstruction” and all the chatter is starting to scare you. How can you prevent it? How can you talk to outsiders when they bring it up? How can you support someone who is currently going through it, or trying to come back to church after experiencing it?

Solutions

The answer is probably a little cliché: Love. “Christ-like love” may be more accurate. In between two chapters about unity in the body of Christ, 1 Corinthians 13 goes into great detail about how everything we do should be defined by our love for one another– for the Church, for suffering members, for members still sinning against us. Being able to love in every situation is extremely difficult, and a sign of spiritual maturity. But we are called to love those who are suffering, because God does. 

This sometimes means listening to stories that are painful to hear, or talking about subjects that we’d rather ignore (like abuse, trauma). This sometimes means going out of our way to comfort or care for a church member who has been ostracized, or who has extra needs that aren’t being met in other places. This sometimes means that, as a congregation, a church may have to dig out corruption that is leading members astray or causing harm to them. Yes, this may mean admitting that there is sin in the congregation. But pretending that everything is perfect when really there is sin underneath would be a lie– even hypocrisy (Matthew 23:25-26). The solution is to love the Church so much that we will not allow any of its members to be harmed, or led astray. To love Jesus so much that we call out sin so that His Church would be free of hypocrisy and sin. Christ loved the Church so much that He died for her, so that one day it will be unified and presented to Him without sin. At that point, sin and hurt within the Church will no longer be an issue. For now, our job as Christians is to to love God, to love goodness, and to love each other so much that sin doesn’t have room to grow among us.